The Great God Pan

Freewriting while streaming the new Painkiller album, The Great God Pan

Being on the internet feels like being pecked in the neck

I keep saying, “I feel like beating the shit out of someone,” out loud when I am alone

I am tired of using punctuation, it doesn’t matter whether there is a common standard anymore. There was never a common standard

I also keep saying “I’m bored” out loud even when I’m very busy. I think this happens when I have to do something like take a piss when I’m in a flowstate

I feel like I’m almost always in some form of flowstate except when I’m pissed off

I still get pissed off a lot, every day. I’m aiming it less at myself at least, learning to get in between it and observe it, learn its ways

I feel like everyone used to blog into the style I’m writing in rn, like things about themselves they wouldn’t say to anyone out loud; then everyone started selling shit

I am tired of selling shit. I have too much shit to make to take time selling it

Every scene is evil by nature and a distraction from the work

My work keeps me alive when it is work I want to do; when work is not what I want to do, I wonder why

I seriously believe the ultimate purpose of the current administration is to extend legalized perpetual servitude, which consists of perpetrating fraud on consumers while stripping away their human rights to the point there is nowhere else to be finally. This is why reproduction is such a concern. Wheat for the chaff

I’ve been reading Ariana Reines’s new book Wave of Blood. I think it’s my favorite book of hers; says some things I need to hear

I like to feel awe. Both people and the objects they create are capable of making me feel awe on any given day. I’m grateful for love, which grows rarer and more powerful as you age into who you are, in my experience

If no one watches you read what do you read?

I’m eating cashews and have a banana. I am a human

The internet is not a place where people to go to be human

Last night we watched an episode of MTV’s True Life where a bunch of kids believed they were cyborgs and wanted to install objects under their skin to give themselves additional powers. One girl listed one of the powers she had was that she could wave her hand over the subway entrance and autopay